


Beyond the Cage of Concrete

by bloo_balloon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Eren throwing pity parties, Gen, Internal Conflict, Mentions of Violence, but nothing graphic, retrospection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 06:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13382319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloo_balloon/pseuds/bloo_balloon
Summary: Even fighters have a breaking point. Even the most ambitious person has a moment of doubt clouding their judgement. The same goes for Eren but luckily, he doesn't have to carry the burden all by himself.





	Beyond the Cage of Concrete

**Author's Note:**

> Back when the SnK frenzy was strong with me, I posted this lil something-something on a whim and I just recently remembered I did. So I'm sharing it here. 
> 
> This takes place after the return of the Survey Corps from the expedition outside of Wall Rose and before the climax of season 1.

Was it wrong for him to feel so useless and powerless? Every single person he knew was doing their best to help and prevent further bloodshed, if that was even possible at all. Determination, wits, ingenuity and combat experience were put together just like a freshly oiled machine whose gears spun in tandem.

So what has he been doing all along?

It only seemed that whatever he intended to do right for a change backfired so that in the end he needed to be rescued and protected. So many have died because of his stupid mistakes and bad judgement and he was there, a witness to all the horrors that happened within the Walls as well as outside.

In a word, Eren was hopeless. After his rage filled speech in which he declared that he'd purge all the Titans from this world, he found himself once more fucking things up. Big time.

The disaster at Trost District... and not to mention all the soldiers who perished in the expedition outside the Walls.

The members of the Levi squad died because of his foolish choices. He would have taken down half the forest if he turned right then and there but at least he would have gotten the Female type subdued or even killed without having Petra and the guys sacrificing their lives in order to protect his sorry ass.

Who was he kidding, really? A ray of hope for humanity? A potential saviour of mankind? Yeah, that went so well... All he did was get kidnapped over and over and over again and everyone was up in arms trying to get him back. The Military Police and even the government was trying to get their hands on him and as the current state of affairs presented itself, a civil war was in store for them all.

As he sat atop of the recently repaired Wall Rose, his eyes distant and cloudy, he remembered all the conversations he had with his fellow trainees. Many doubted him and dubbed him as unstable and unreliable and if the recent events weren't proof of that, well he didn't know what was.

He wanted to punch himself into oblivion, that's it. The self-loathing and guilt was too much to bear. Being alone right now made him really see things as they were, without an imminent threat and without the horrors of the battle surrounding him, this moment of temporary peace was what he needed to put his thoughts in order.

However, his moment alone was short-lived. The next thing he knew another person sat down next to him but he just continued to gaze beyond the horizon hoping that whoever it was, wouldn't break the silence.

"We're heading back, Eren. You were spacing out so you might not have heard me call you earlier. Something on your mind?"

Just his luck. "Armin... N-No, it's nothing." the last thing he wanted was to worry his friend with his musings. Unfortunately, as perceptive as ever, Armin didn't buy that.

The smaller boy regarded Eren with a knowing glare. "You've been out of it since we got back. Everybody noticed, even Jean." he smirked. "So something's bugging you but you don't want me to find out because...?"

Ever since they were little, Armin and Mikasa have always managed to read him like an open book. True, it was his fault that he wore his heart on his sleeve but that was what made the trio such close friends. Eren's brash attitude and tenacity, Mikasa's protectiveness and courage and Armin's wits and knowledge. They weren't anything alike and yet his friend and sister could still tell when something was off.

"Do you think this is worth it, Armin?" he began slowly, his words almost muted by the wind. 'All we've been doing is throwing more people to the Titans with nothing good ever coming from the expeditions and experiments and missions... Why do I feel that I'm so helpless? Even with the Titan's power, the one thing I'm really good at is getting kidnapped and putting more people in danger because of it. In this world it's do or die. I've come to learn that but it only seems like whenever we try to _do_ we just end up _dying_ instead. I hate it. I hate myse-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence."

For the first time that day, Eren really looked his friend in the eye and the anger swirling in Armin's blue irises was something he was not used to seeing. Armin was the level-headed of the two. He didn't get angry or snappy. That was how things were, but right then Eren thought his friend might just throttle him if he spewed any more words.

"If my bones didn't break so easily, I would've just punched your face in right now." His tone scared Eren even more. "It almost sounds like you're giving up." Armin continued in a lighter tone. "That's not you at all, Eren. You are not powerless and helpless. Stop thinking like that because it's not the case. Remember when we were little? You stood up to those kids back then, even if it meant hurting yourself in the process. You protected me and risked being beaten repeatedly just to stop them from harassing me. And you never backed down." His fists were clenched so tightly, Eren thought he might draw blood. "But that was something you did just for one person and it's different now. You're not doing this for me, for Mikasa nor are you doing this for yourself. It's for the whole humanity that we choose to fight and risk our lives on the front lines. It might seem that we're taking one step forward, two steps back but things are moving along and we don't have time for guilt and self-pity to cloud our minds. We just have to live and bear with it until we can break free of these Walls and go to the places we've seen in that book when we were kids."

Shocked beyong comprehention, Eren just stared at his friend but was unable to find the appropriate thing to say to that. He opened his mouth just to close it back again. He knew that Armin was right so why was it still hard to say it?

"I can't believe I'm the one to knock some sense into you when usually it's the other way round, but I guess it can't be helped when you act like a crybaby," the blonde chuckled. "Don't forget that it's _my_ thing to worry about pointless things and it's me who'll get gray hairs by the time I'm 30."

He couldn't help but smile at that. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He won't give up. Hope is not lost.

 

 


End file.
